


Yes, I do

by Sapphiresflame



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, M/M, Mental Breakdown, One Shot, Pining, Rome 2009 Aquatics Championships, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25397944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphiresflame/pseuds/Sapphiresflame
Summary: I remember the petty arguments that we resolved in seconds.How cautious we were around each other, but trust grew as we matured.The envy of the other's talent turned into our primary driving force.Our relationship kept changing for the better throughout the years,And we accepted it en masse.I used to believe we would need no more, that all of this was enough.I was wrong.Because not even I could predict,That we would have this kind of misunderstanding.
Relationships: Matsuoka Rin/Nanase Haruka
Comments: 12
Kudos: 39
Collections: #ficwip 5k





	Yes, I do

**Author's Note:**

> Heyaa! This is my very first RinHaru fic and I'm excited to post!  
> Thank you very much to [Rya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amberemerald/pseuds/Amberemerald) for being my talented (and patient) Beta Reader!✨  
> 

_~ o ~_

The wide balcony on the roof of his hotel had the utmost marvellous view.

Street lanterns scattered all around Rome painted the eventide with a soft hue of yellows and oranges. The contrast with the void-like night sky felt breathtaking to tourists and local onlookers alike. White walls looked white no longer, and Rin was instantly reminded of fireworks.

But nothing other than what stood before him, a couple of kilometers away, could catch his attention the way it did. The complex was everything he ever imagined, and the implication of him being able to see it that closely, Rin could barely believe as of yet, even after multiple walks around the vicinity. Only in his fantasies had he seen such a similar view, and it still felt like his awakening was delayed for his torture.

Soft steps climbing the stairs interrupted his train of thought. He turned to his left, and widened his eyes in surprise at who arrived.

“Haru?”

He saw Haru look up and mimic his expression. 

“Rin.”

That was all he said, and Rin wanted to snort. Neither of them had predicted to meet the other in the same spot that same night, but neither of them made a move to leave. Haru climbed the rest of the steps and silently stayed next to Rin, his gaze glued forward as if he were alone. Rin smiled as he spotted the Foro Italico in the reflection of Haru’s eyes; exactly what he had been immersed in earlier.

“Can’t sleep either?” He asked, resting his elbows on the glass railing, his attention momentarily changing to his new companion.

“No.”

“Yeah, how can we really?”

Even as he turned back to admire the night view, Rin could sense Haru observing him through the corner of his eyes. He seemed to have detected something peculiar, and Rin wasn’t sure if he wanted to know what.

“You’re nervous?”

Rin let out a laugh, “Weird, huh?”

Haru looked taken aback, and Rin assumed it was because no one expected him to be anything but cocky or confident, or both.

“It’s just, I’ve been waiting for this moment my entire life”, he started, extending his left hand towards the Foro Italico, opening his palm, “And it’s actually there right now. Like, right there. I can reach it.”

Gulping, he closed his palm, hiding the complex from his view. Not being able to see what he had wished for the most in that very moment reminded him of his biggest fear. It was stupid and childish, but he still felt the ruinous effect on his mind. For once, he inwardly thanked Haru for his silence as he listened.

“But what if it’s not?” Rin warily opened his palm back up. “I can see it now, but for how long? What if I’m dreaming? What if I wake up tomorrow and nothing is real? That I'm back in Japan and have to start all over again? It wouldn’t be the first tim— OW!”

Shocked, Rin jumped back and grabbed his left arm, the sudden pain in his nerves travelling all the way down to his fingertips. It didn’t take him long to figure out what Haru had done to his skin. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Haru lowered his hand as he smiled wryly, which didn’t go unnoticed by Rin.

“You’re not dreaming, are you?”

“Gh—” Rin sputtered.

But very quickly, his demeanor changed, and he couldn’t help but laugh. His eyes also closed in amusement. He knew words were not always Haru’s strong point, but he was certainly skilled in communication through actions. Unpredictable actions, but actions nonetheless.

“Fine, I get it—”

“I can reach it too.”

“Huh?” Rin opened his eyes, confused, and couldn’t stop a small gasp escaping his throat. It was Haru who outstretched a hand this time, his right, his palm wide open and ready. From his point of view, he could see the Foro Italico right in the middle of his hand, and just like Rin, he closed it.

“I can reach it. You’re not dreaming, Rin." Haru breathed in deeply, and exhaled with a small smile, "We’re definitely here.”

Rin felt his own eyes sparkle as he stared. Not at Rome, not at the Foro Italico, but at Haru.

Whenever he thought he was lost, Haru always showed up.

And he finally knew where to go.

“Yeah,” Rin smiled, “We’re here.”

  
  


_~ o ~_

  
  


“Did he really pinch you?”

“Yeah keep laughing you asshole, it fucking hurt.”

Rin groans as Sousuke has the audacity to snicker on the other end of the line. He'd tried to tell the story of what happened as objectively as possible, but he clearly failed to hide the fact that he’d felt a certain dreamy quality to it.

He’s regretting calling his best friend for the upteenth time.

With a sigh, Rin glances down, finding the people making their daily commute below him more interesting to watch. He stands in the same place as last night, leaning against the railing and admiring the view this time in daylight. His romantic heart may be at fault when he finds Rome just as magical under the flare of the sun as it is illuminated with amber in the dark.

And his romantic heart leaps when Rin suddenly catches a glimpse of Haru returning to the hotel. He’s wearing his national team jacket, meaning he must have been at the outdoor pool instead of tapering like Rin has been. As long as Haru isn't training, Rin doesn't feel the need to worry. 

His gaze doesn’t falter until Haru disappears from his view, the contrast of blue and red always capturing his mind fully, and he sighs again when he notices.

“You’re sighing again?”

He hears Sousuke’s incredulous voice once more, startling him awake. 

“Sorry! It’s just—”

“What now?”

“I—” Rin bites his lip, finding himself grasping his cellphone tighter, “It’s gotten so much harder.”

“What?”

"Hiding it.”

He can tell Sousuke is mulling over the information, not understanding at first. But when Rin hears him sigh so dramatically through the phone, sounding like a wounded animal, he knows Sousuke finally understands and Rin can vividly picture him rolling his eyes in disbelief.

“God, Rin. You're impossible.”

“I’m serious,” Rin replies, plopping down cross-legged on the floor of the balcony, “I see him everyday, we share a room, we go together to practice, we've gone sightseeing all around Rome together and I just stared at his fucking face right now and I didn’t even have to try!”

He stops to catch his breath, opting to avoid raising his voice again.

“He’s gonna catch on one of these days, or someone else will, Sousuke. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Sousuke’s lack of immediate response isn’t encouraging, but today, Rin definitely prefers it over his habit of teasing him whenever Haru is concerned. And it is with sheer embarrassment that he admits it is awfully often.

“That bad, huh?”

“Yeah, and you’re not helping.”

“Well, you start competing tomorrow. You could always think Haru is losing his mind just as badly as you.”

Rin huffs in annoyance. “Ha, very funny. I’ve never seen him this confident before. He clearly changed since we were in high school, or that time during the All Japan.”

He pauses and smiles as he remembers Haru's entertaining way to put his mind at ease, and the way his eyes glittered like his, but much brighter than stars above them. He can't help it. His head has been filled with blue as clear as water and sun-kissed skin for several years without end, and he's certain it will stay that way for the rest of his life. "Yeah, all doubt is gone."

“Just how much are you watching him, stalker?”

“Goddammit Sousuke, I told you it was him who cheered me up last night.”

“When he pinched your arm?”

“Don’t you fucking dare laugh again!!”

  
  


**

  
  


"We'll be watching you guys at the Marron café! And according to Kisumi, we'll definitely have a toast too!" 

"With coffee?" 

_I want more coffee._

"W-well, I don't really want to try sake just yet. Good thing everyone else is okay with it."

Makoto’s laugh sounds awkward through the phone call, and Haru can bet without seeing him that Makoto is scratching his cheek, a tic he hasn't grown out of yet. 

"I gotta go study now, Haru. I have a test coming next week! I'll call you tomorrow very early in the morning to wish you luck!"

_I need luck now._

"Yeah, thanks Makoto."

When Haru hangs up, he doesn't know what sort of sudden rage possesses him, or how, but it urges him to send his cellphone flying. 

And impulsively, he does.

The clashing noise as the device hits the adjacent wall resonates in his room, and now with his consciousness clearer, it worries him that he might have broken it. When he stands up from his bed to inspect it, in relief he notices a single crack on the screen and the rest perfectly intact. He calls this luck.

"What was that noise?"

Haru whips around with his heart in his throat, only relaxing when he sees it's simply Rin entering through the door.

"Nothing, I just dropped my phone," he answers, picking it up and throwing it, gentler, onto the bed this time. 

Rin chuckles. "I know you don't like using your phone, but don't just go around and throw it like a baseball." 

Haru grumbles. "I was not."

_I want to do it again._

“Anyway, were you feeling the water and all that jazz today? I saw you coming back to the hotel a couple of hours ago,” Rin asks as he sits down on his own bed next to Haru’s.

Haru raises an eyebrow, wondering where Rin had been standing to be able to spot him arriving. Their room was empty when he had showed up earlier.

“No, I just took a walk.”

“Seriously? Alone? And in your jacket?”

Haru looks down when Rin points at the national jacket he’s wearing, and shrugs.

“It was the first thing at hand.”

Rin sighs visibly irritated. “Are you kidding me? Why would you treat your jacket as any other piece of clothing?!”

“I was in a hurry.”

“What kind of excuse is that?”

Haru exhales through his nose. “I won’t do it again.”

“Yeah, right.”

“And you?” Haru frowns and decides to imitate Rin’s unamusement. “If we’re not training, and even then, you barely wear your jacket.”

Having expected a very different reaction, Haru can only look on in bewilderment at Rin’s self-satisfied smirk.

“I want to savor it tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

_Tomorrow._

“Yeah! Can you believe Sunday came so fast? It feels like yesterday that we saw our schedule and got so pumped for the freestyle relay.”

Haru recalls that day as clear as water. Back then he and Rin already knew for certain they would swim the very first day of swimming competitions of World’s together again. He can still feel Rin’s arms around him, and the way he’d attempted, and failed, to regain some sort of composure.

Even today he smiles at the memory, but the way he’s finding himself clenching his fists right now overpowers any positive feeling he may want to display.

“Anyway,” Rin slightly rubs at his nape before letting himself fall on the cushions of his bed, most likely at Haru’s lack of response. Haru doesn’t feel too guilty; he’s sure Rin is used to it by now. At least, that’s what he tells himself to keep his mind from overreacting.

With a sigh, and a considerable need for fresh air, Haru walks towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Rin asks him, and Haru has to stop. He can’t leave quick enough, but he also thinks he owes Rin one answer.

“I need to talk to the coach.”

_Not really._

“Oh, sure. It’s still early but remember to rest some, Haru. Tomorrow is the big day, don’t forget!”

Haru’s hold on the doorknob tightens.

“Yeah.”

And with that, he steps out of the room and unintentionally, probably, slams the door shut. It’s only after he puts one foot on the garden path that he remembers he left his phone on his bed.

  
  


***

  
  


"Where were you? I tried to call you but you didn't pick up." 

Ikuya immediately questions him as soon as he enters the dining room of the hotel. The fact that it is specifically decorated to satisfy the needs of the swimming team goes unnoticed by his eyes. He is looking for Rin so they can sit together, but he can't find him anywhere.

"I was taking a walk," he tells Ikuya, following him to the huge oval table at the center and sitting on one of the only empty chairs left.

“For hours?” Ikuya looks surprised. But Haru simply shrugs.

He looks down at his plate full of Italian gourmet food and its elegant plating, but he doesn’t touch it. He doesn’t feel hungry or interested in conversation, his mind blank or stuck elsewhere, making the happy chatter from his teammates around him mere white noise to his ears.

But he jumps in surprise when his phone suddenly hovers in front of his eyes. He catches it and turns to his right, seeing Rin smirking at him.

“You either use that thing like a stress ball or abandon it and make me deal with the beeping all day.”

Haru narrows his eyes. “I didn’t do that.”

_Yes, I did._

“Chill, I’m just messing with ya.”

Haru grumbles when Rin laughs and sits next to him, grabbing a canapé and biting into it with gusto. Haru discreetly grimaces in disgust, mostly because he wishes he were as relaxed as Rin to be able to eat food that he will never find in Japan.

“Guys, listen for a bit!”

The noisy voice of one of his teammates makes Haru raise his head in interest, but as she continues going through the list of swimmers who are competing the next day, how she earns blaring applause at what she says, Haru decides to stop looking at her. He can hear Rin and Ikuya next to him cheering too, and he can’t understand why, even if he tries.

“And of course, the men’s freestyle relay!”

Haru freezes.

He feels too many eyes staring in their direction and his heart starts racing in his chest.

“Gotta give the newbies some credit! Give it all you got guys!”

The supportive yells are directed at them now, and Haru can’t feel more uncomfortable. He doesn’t smile, even when he senses Rin’s jovial grin as he places his arm around his neck and pulls him closer. And through the corner of his eyes he catches how Natsuya ruffles Ikuya’s hair too. He expects annoyance, but they’re both laughing.

Apparently, he’s the only one finding the attention egregious.

“Still feeling awkward when people cheer for you?” Rin asks him in amusement, still holding onto Haru’s neck while they walk back to the room they share. Haru doesn’t reply but his gaze is on Rin, envying his blinding shining aura next to his dimming one.

“Well, start getting used to it.” Rin releases him and, smiling brightly, stands in front of him, halting Haru’s steps. “Tomorrow the whole world will watch us, and when they see us win they’ll cheer so loudly you’ll go deaf, Haru.”

Haru’s face stays neutral, but he can’t help biting his tongue.

“Come on, aren’t you excited?”

Rin’s expectant eyes make him weak, and Haru desperately wishes to satisfy him with his answer. But he knows that everything he actually wants to say will feel bitter on his tongue.

“Yeah.” Haru says simply, walking around Rin to head to their room.

He doesn’t see Rin’s shoulders drop in disappointment.

  
  


****

  
  


Rin wakes up to the sound of singing birds outside the window and the first rays of sunlight peeking through the curtains. It delights him that Mother Nature herself is announcing to him that the day of his most treasured personal dream awaits, and that he can, at last, leave those dreams he has at night behind him.

As he sits up, the bedcovers slide down his body and he feels shivers running down his spine. His hands are cold and it makes him laugh. He’s excited and a tiny bit nervous, but Rin is convinced it is temporary and he will rise with his team and the courage he is known for.

He's determined to bring gold home.

“Hey Haru—” Rin cuts himself off when he turns to his left and sees Haru's bed empty. The clock on the bedside table reads eight AM, still too early to be awake considering their first heat is in four and a half hours. If he remembers correctly, they won’t be heading to the Foro Italico until eleven AM.

And yet Haru is nowhere to be seen.

Rin huffs, standing up from the bed to grab a towel from the closet, before walking calmly to the bathroom. If Haru is taking a bath, he might as well leave him another towel to use by the door. 

“Haru? Did you even sleep last—”

His voice halts again, shocked as he notices the door open. Haru isn't in the bathroom either, and Rin can feel himself slowly getting worked up, hundreds of negative possibilities running through his mind.

He barely notices his hands growing colder.

  
  


_Stop._

The 26th of July on the calendar hanging on the wall mocks him, points its imaginary finger at him, shouts at him to get over it. Haru feels silly and ridiculous and it’s driving him mad.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been pacing around in the locker rooms, noticing his own gait distraught, but when he glances at the clock on the counter he realizes it’s been fifty minutes. It feels like longer. At least, Haru thinks, the space is wide and he’s compelled to start counting every single tile on the floor.

Something tells him that still won't distract him enough.

As he catches his reflection in the large mirror by his right, he attempts to hold a relaxed face, desperate to deceive himself that the anxiety in his insides is nonexistent. But seeing the tic of his eyebrow or the way his chest heaves up and down, things that he’s unable to stop, only intensifies how stupid and weak he feels.

Haru remembers dreams about this day. And they were never like this.

_How did I do it…?_

“Haru?”

Haru gets dizzy at the speed he whirls around, startled to see Rin barging in without warning. Of course, only Rin has an inkling on where to find him when no one else can when a swim meet is concerned. It has happened once before. For once he wishes someone else, or no one at all, entered the room he's in. 

_Rin makes me feel too much._

“There you are. What are you doing here? Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Haru replies curtly, but Rin frowns and doesn't believe him one bit. Haru's body language is saying something different. He hasn’t stopped walking back and forth and his eyes seem unfocused, and Rin bets that his hands are as cold as his. 

“No, you’re not. Just look at yourself.”

Haru halts his steps, cursing the fact that Rin chooses not to be as blind as the day before, but he purposely avoids meeting Rin’s eyes. Rin tries to not let it bother him as he closes the door behind him.

Haru can’t feel more trapped, and he exclusively blames the date of today as he throws a bitter look at the calendar.

Rin follows Haru’s gaze before looking back at him.

“I know, it’s today. Are you nervous, Haru?”

Haru remains silent.

“It’s a big thing we’re gonna do, so it wouldn’t surprise me! But hey, it’s totally normal.”

“Normal,” Haru echoes, his voice a mere whisper. Rin isn’t sure if he should take that as a good sign or not.

“It is!”

“Is it now…?”

_You’re such a liar._

“Yeah, but don’t worry so much, it’s not gonna be forever. You’ll be fine.”

The silence that follows is deafening.

But when Haru finally turns to meet Rin’s gaze, his stoic expression slowly turns into one of anger. He feels his insides flaring up, and the way Rin subtly flinches he knows it must be showing on his face.

“How would you know?”

Swallowing, Rin tries to ignore Haru’s new countenance. He often forgets how expressive Haru can become when his emotions get the better of him. He has seen it before.

“Friday night, remember? On the balcony? I was just as—”

“Are you kidding me?!”

Rin widens his eyes at Haru’s raised voice.

“I only had to pinch your arm and you were okay,” Haru violently gestures to his neck with his finger. “I feel like I can’t breathe, Rin!”

"Okay…" Rin purses his lips, starting to realize that he indeed is comparing two completely different scenarios. But at the same time, he feels this is jogging his memory in other ways somehow.

“Haru, listen—”

“No, not now. Just leave, I want to be alone.”

"But I think—" 

"No!" 

“Goddammit!” Rin bellows, his patience thinning. “Stop interrupting me!”

“For what?!” Haru screams back in Rin’s face, forcing him to make a step back. “So you can tell me that I'm not ready yet?”

“Not ready?! Who the fuck shouted his lungs out that he was gonna take on the world?!”

“That doesn’t make it any less frightening!”

Rin’s throat makes a surprised sound, leaving him speechless. Haru’s rage hasn’t lowered one bit and he knows he’s mostly at fault now. He has never found himself this unable to help.

“Leave, Rin. I can’t think, my head is killing me and it doesn't want to stop, please leave,” Haru demands in despair, fully intending to return to his self-proclaimed self-pity until he feels his legs no longer.

_I don’t need you._

“I can’t leave you like this, Haru,” Rin says, softer, grabbing onto Haru’s sleeve. “Just listen to me, I get it, I—”

“No, you don’t!!”

Haru actually snaps. He tightly grips onto Rin’s collar with the strength of his fury and looks at him with pupils blown wide. The way Rin wobbles at the action has him shocked, never expecting to see Haru breaking down this much.

“I’m terrified. You don't know how much I want this and how much I don’t want to quit, but I don’t feel good enough anymore. I don’t know what to do with myself! I try to get over it, I try to forget, I try to remember the excitement I felt a few months ago, I need to remember, but I can't, it's impossible and I hate it, it’s stupid, and you would never understand and—” Haru rambles on and on, until he has to stop because his voice breaks and he can’t allow himself be stared at while he's feeling so exposed. He lowers his head in shame. He doesn't cry. He can't cry. He never has.

Rin stays silent for a while, merely watching Haru with softened eyes. His heartbeat is racing and he thinks he can hear Haru’s too. But the determination defeats any doubts, and what is left is the need to be there for Haru. To help him. To support him. To love him.

Slowly, but surely, Rin raises his hands and holds onto Haru’s wrists with the utmost tender touch.

Haru almost jolts, surprised, raising his head to confirm it is Rin’s hands, before his gaze meets Rin’s.

Rin is smiling, but it looks sad and impotent.

“Yes, I do.” He says. 

And Haru finally understands.

He remembers a few years ago they were standing very similarly on a deserted campus, but the other way around. It was Haru who had grabbed onto Rin’s wrists that time, trying desperately to talk about who he swam for while Rin was the one breaking down and making no attempt to listen.

The déjà vu is unsettling to him, but it also is as calming as the sound of energy flowing through water and turning into waves.

Haru suddenly finds himself sobbing, quickly turning away to hide the tears peeking through the corner of his eyes.

_I'm crying? No! How? Why? I don't—_

"It's okay, Haru," Rin tells him calmly and with affection, as if seeing Haru be this vulnerable was a sight to treasure. "Don't hold it in, it's okay."

Haru doesn't, and he’s shocked at how easily he surrenders. He can no longer control his own body as he cries, thick tears streaming endlessly down his face. His sobs are louder than he expects, echoing through the walls of the locker room, and he has never felt more embarrassed. But Rin isn't judging him. He takes him in a tight embrace and helps him sit down on the floor with him so they can be more comfortable.

"I-I'm sorry," Haru apologizes to Rin, whimpering the words out, feeling them in his core. Now with the relief he feels as he lets it all out, he knows full well how brash he acted with Rin without reason, how blind he was himself.

_I do need you._

But Rin hushes him, implying there’s nothing to forgive. And Haru knows he will be okay again. 

They haven't forgotten about their important competition in a couple of hours, but neither of them feels in a rush when the moment merits the peace that each other's presence brings to the other.

And Haru realizes right then, that out of every single one of his friends, he has always deemed Rin to be the only one he trusts enough to witness this side of him.

Because he's here with him.

Because to him he's everything. 

And because, yes.

  
  


He does understand.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed!  
> Thankies to ficwip for the opportunity!✨


End file.
